There are people who know me for 25 years…and people who know me for much less. No matter how long they’ve known me I have noticed one thing. Now I might be paranoid or just making assumptions here but when I ask a question, give an opinion, etc. 9 times out of 10 I get no answers. I see people having huge conversations and yet mine just sit there. Now either everyone on my FB or Twitter are cowards or they are just under the assumption that “Oh it’s just her again”. Her and her whining. Her and her exaggerating, her and her overly passionate obsessions, her and her dreaming she is something she isn’t, her and her complaints about this thing and that, her and her political opinions and hippie logic.
Well fuck anyone who actually thinks these things. Everyone is just so much better at this fucked up political bullshit we’re dealing with than me apparently and that’s fine. If that is how you want to feel. Go ahead. But most of all, I’m tired of people looking at me like I’m the “sensitive” one…the “delicate” one…the damaged one who needs people to just, well they just don’t know what to say? What to say? How about having a conversation with me like a fucking human being. I’m not a child. I’m not crazy. I’m not from another planet. There are a few reasons I see this happening (and this is me thinking of a certain number of people, obviously I don’t think everyone I know is a coward or being a jerk) 1) You’re scared. You’re afraid of what I’ll say or the things I’ve said. You’re afraid of how open I am about me. 2) You clearly do think that because I take care of my own mental health that you are somehow far superior than I am because you don’t even acknowledge yours. You also discredit things I say to “Well she is depressed and has bad anxiety”. 3) You’ve known my past of protesting, fighting the fascists in this country and trying to secure rights for everyone…including you and you see it as me being ‘radical’. You think radical is crazy. 4) You think I talk too much. Guess what? I do. I say what is on my mind, I like conversation and I love to tell stories you know why? I’ve done so much with my life that I have a lot of stories to tell and I like to hear other people’s stories too. Maybe you don’t have any stories. Which brings me to 5) You’re fucking mad because I have done so much more with my life than you ever have because of the choices you made that you find fault in just about everything I do because you think I’m childish or immature. Well I don’t believe in growing up but I can tell you that I have matured. I’ve matured because of the choices I’ve made with my life and I have no regrets. I feel sorry for you that you do.
So next time I ask a question and you decide to blow me off or just scroll past me because…well…”it’s just her”…keep in mind that this “just her” is a goddamned, amazing, creative, loving, caring, passionate, compassionate, considerate, open minded, accepting, giving and fun woman. (Despite all that I’ve been through, and that is more than I can say for those of you have decided to hang onto your pasts and pity yourselves.) Get over yourselves and take care of yourselves instead of sitting around and waiting for the rest of the world to take care of you. Look in a goddamned mirror.