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…When the cat took your tongue, I say you took it right back (Run DMC)

shut-up-fool

I was reading an article earlier today that discussed some of the things people with anxiety do because they are anxious. 31 Habits of People with Anxiety .  One of the things someone mentioned was :

“I talk a lot in social settings, which seems a bit odd for someone with social anxiety, but I can’t handle any prolonged silence when in a group. I get very anxious, and then I start talking. The more I talk the more I get caught up in the anxiety and as can be predicted, I usually say inappropriate things that in turn increases my anxiety and the talking, and I repeat the cycle. It’s horrible, especially if there’s alcohol involved.” — Mindy W.

I can relate quite well with this. I over do it because of anxiety. I feel horrible during the entire time I’m talking. I don’t want to be overly quiet and I want to participate in the conversation but many times my mind gets so jumbled up from the anxiety that I start to really babble. I say too much. And then I feel really stupid because I fell like I’ve annoyed people by saying too much. Also because I feel they probably think I was making no sense or talking about things that were irrelevant or even just really uninteresting. This is one of the biggest things I hate about my social anxiety.

I always wanted to be one of those people who just goes quiet. I try to sometimes because I know I’ve just gone on too much but it is really difficult because whether I’m quiet or talkative, I assume the others in the conversation are just wondering why I’m being too quiet/too talkative. It’s like I can’t win.

So does everyone get annoyed at my talking too much? Sometimes they say no, but…it is hard to believe. Some people will say I do. Which, of course, makes me feel worse, right? So no matter what they say I feel bad anyway.

Sometimes it helps to have friends around who understand how I get or feel and they give me challenges. Like if one of my friends (who is clearly frustrated with my assumption that everyone will eventually get sick of me and leave me) says, “Okay Lina, here’s what we’ll do, whenever you get that feeling you ignore it as hard as you can and if you don’t, we (who ever else might be around) will tell you in some way…to stop.” So if I start talking too much then say something like “Sorry I will stop talking.” or “Sorry, I am babbling on and on.” Someone will point out that I said that and say, “Lina…” I’ll be reminded that I’m hating myself at that moment and they don’t want me to. I’ve had a few friends who did that for a while but I’m not around those people any more.

Honestly it is really great to have friends who are a support to you. That is one of the times I really feel loved because much of my time is spent alone or around folks who, not that they don’t care, but feel like they don’t know how. Or maybe they don’t want to feel like babysitters. As an addict, I remember being angry because people treat you like a child. Watching every move you make, reprimanding you when you throw a fit because you can’t have your pills or whatever your vice is. I understand why they do it but I still hated it. It’s similar with this. I get hooked on saying these negative things about myself when I talk and also when I’m really anxious or depressed, in my mind I am 8 or 9 years old again because my mind goes back to when I was young and told to shut up because no one wanted to hear me. Or no one cared what I said.

Anyway, that wasn’t much of a deep or interesting blog but this article just made me think about it. Also maybe some folks out there can relate.

Love and Light.

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